Illuminate, deconstruct by Eloise Joseph

Reiki came into my life at a very particular time and set the tone for our 13+ year walk together.  I think of it like a double helix of storylines that led to the Reiki activation.  

On one strand, we’ll call this the “religion” strand, I was in the process of deconstructing my faith. I had been a dedicated fundamentalist Christian and had recently left the church.  Consequently my entire understanding of the world and my place in it, my perception of self and my relationship with religion were fast unravelling leaving me in deeply unfamiliar and uncomfortable territory.  

On the other strand, we’ll call this the ‘”identity” strand, I was trying to make my way in the world following my dream to be an actress, but it was a dream built on a pretty shaky foundation of insecurity and uncertainty and I would go so far as to say self hate.  I was subscribing to a system of beauty, success and acceptance that was completely outside myself – I didn’t set it, I didn’t create it and yet there I was hoping to be accepted by it and thrive within it.  When you subject yourself to outside validation in that way you’re intrinsically coming from a place of self-hate.  Harsh but true, and certainly true of my experience.  My whole life I’d always felt ‘other’ – in terms of heritage, economically, socially – I remember being very aware of this from a young age.  I actually remember fantasising about my life in the future and in these fantasies I was a white woman with European hair, which, at the time, didn’t seem at all odd to me.  Yeah.  (I’ll just park that there and continue the story but trust me when I say that little gem took muuuuuuch dismantling)

For me otherness begat inadequacy and inadequacy begat chronic insecurity.  My sense of self was built on an unstable internal foundation.  And that’s where I was when Reiki entered my consciousness – immersed in the common theme of choosing external authorities over internal wisdom, and ripe for the deconstructing.

Reiki held space and provided a framework for the process – if you imagine a framework made of bright white light with no beginning and no end, which is in actual fact a gateway to the unfathomable infinite.  I think of it like a cube of pure light where you feed your current storyline in, the layers of untruths are peeled back until you come out realising who you are in essence – pure life force energy – you are the unfathomable infinite. 

When you are in that level of knowing who could you ever possibly outsource your power to again?

I engaged with Reiki in a very particular way and my journey has been one of intentional personal development where many other tools have assisted me, but Reiki is the foundation baseline energy that continues to underline the whole process.  Reiki gave me connection with myself which put me in conscious connection with who I am and why I’m here.  It rooted me in my heart, and led me to expand from there.  It took me into self-acceptance and self love and to the rediscovery of my own internal wisdom.

I’m so grateful for the deconstruction of my religious framework around the energy.  Reiki took me beyond dogma into limitless light.

I’m so grateful for the deconstruction of my ‘dreams’, my perception of self, of the world and my place in it.  Seeing past the illusion and experiencing myself in essence changed my life.

I have by no means arrived and I am very much a work in progress.  Maintaining that level of internal alignment takes a deep commitment and I am intensely human.  But every day I move deeper into the energy and find that in actual fact there is no such thing as arrival.  There is just authenticity, truth and love.  And the greatest of these is love (snatch biblical truth :))


Artwork by Eloise Joseph

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